Expectations
Expectations are tyranny. They suck all the air out of the room. We can still run the race, but on their track. Looking back at my early years I cannot recall any expectations placed on me by my father (other than the obvious “make good grades”, and “try to stay out of jail”). He never imposed any expectations regarding career, hobbies, marriage, etc. However, it seems that I filled the role of suffocator through self-imposed expectations. Yep, I did it to myself. Through no outside pressure, I decided there were a number of areas where I would surpass my parent. If he could do it, I would prove to him, and to me, that I could do it better. Interestingly enough, it defined my worth. Success in meeting my expectations would provide value to my life, a sense of accomplishment that defined me. Sometimes those walls of expectations, others and mine, felt comfortable. It gave me a sense of doing what I was supposed to do. Expectations.
Now, as some of you know, my relationship with my father deteriorated greatly during my college years. Actually, that’s a bit of an understatement. ‘Train wreck’ is a bit more accurate. The reasons are no longer important, but suffice it to say, it was difficult to breathe. Who’s life was I living? Being a prisoner of expectations, our own or others, leaves little room for freedom. There was no “my road, “my journey”. It was an obstacle course set by others. Forgiveness of others or, for that matter, of myself, for building this maze was not forthcoming. Years worth of decisons were dictated by these expectations. Tyranny.
Eventually, my understanding of value, worth, and acceptance came to be defined by the phrase, “in Christ”.
Do I now enjoy meeting expectations? Yes, wherever possible. It’s O.K., but failure to do so no longer shapes my life. I tired of the walls. I do not wish to be a prisoner of my own expectations, much less anyone else’s. So, where am I now? Plenty of air? Running the race unrestrained? Well, not yet. Although I would like to think otherwise, my thought is that the walls never completely disappear. In fact, I have managed to erect some others. I suspect they will not come down until the “face-to-face” moment with the One who loves me most. Then my faith will be my eyes. All expectations will be met.
Thank goodness. Hope to see you there, Dad.
To do only those things that my Father in heaven instructs me to do. That is the only set of expectations through belief in the completely finished work of Jesus brings freedom and abundance. Keep knocking them walls down!